I would second the suggestion to check out the UU church. I raised both my daughters in it, they were encouraged to think/question/believe/grow. Both, now in their mid 20s, go back to the church, not every week, but they clearly have ahome there and get regrounded there when they need it. And, as a side benefit, both my GT girls discovered many, many other UUs when going to GT programs! I believe that encouraging them to think on Sunday helped them think all through the week.

I would suggest checking out a Unitarian/Universalist church. It's not a formal, doctrine based religion, but teaches aspects of many judaeo christian faiths, as a sort of starting point to find your own way to what you believe. They tend to have very interesting and educational children's programs.
Just a thought...

Adelina,
There is a program, "Spiritual Parenting", offered by the Tampa Baha'i Center which may fulfill what you and your husband are searching for. Related to it are children's classes which focus on developing the spiritual virtues of children. The emphasis is on helping children understand that their true purpose for being created - to know God and to love Him; and how this is carried out in life by loving and serving His creation. There is no proseltyzing.
Contact phone numbers are (727) 847-6940 or (813) 929-4470. Let them know of your concern/interest. I am sure they will be happy to assist you.

I've learned of an ancient name of God that can be sung as simple prayer song of love and gratitude. I try to open my heart to God's love and wisdom and caring, sing the HU (pronounced like the word hue)softly and slowly like 'H u u u u ' for a few minutes, and just be still and listen. This spiritual exercise has helped me many times raising my children and as they grow older I hope they might see, perhaps by example but more likely through their own experience with the HU that, God is real, God loves us, and we can live our life sharing God's love. There is a web site if you have further interest.
http://eckankar.org/
Thank you for your heart felt question and this oportunity to respond.

As a child who grew up with 2 sets of parents, one with a traditional spiritual background and one without, I can tell you that each taught me to grow deeply in faith. My mom and step-dad pray to bless meals, read and study the Bible, and church attendance. My father and step-mother encouraged respect for others and a good sense of right and wrong. Each set was consistent. As we grew older, my sister and I sought our own way. While I am sure our parents worry about these paths, neither pushes us in one direction or another. I find that I return to the fundamentals that were taught to me time and time again. Children, if taught gently and consistently, will return to those values which were instilled in them.

Spirituality does not need a structure to exist. It can be rather unstable at times but what is most important for everyone, especially impressionable young ones, is consistency. I think if you instill everything from your heart, you will have free-thinking children that DO have good morals.

I just had a baby and I plan on getting and reading the book "Parenting Beyond Belief" by Dale McGowan:

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Beyond-Belief-Raising-Religion/dp/0814474268/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-2092495-1574565?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1192378632&sr=8-1

My friend recommended it as she is agnostic and her husband is atheist – they were both raised inside of very strict religious households (she was Jehovah Witness and he Catholic). They both know they wish to practice neither of those religions with their own kid (first on way in December), but do still wish to instill ethics and compassion in a non-indoctrinated manner. They went looking for answers and came upon this book.

Both my husband and I grew up Catholic but for various reasons are not planning to raise our kid(s) in this manner. Like my friends and yourself, we feel a background in doing unto others as you want it done to you is a social moray that should be passed along and is not something necessarily that needs to be couched inside of religious doctrine.

Anyway HTH you find the right answers to your dilemma. I hope it does me as well...

:)

My husband and I are also raising our children without the church. We believe you don't need a place to go to worship what you believe in. It happens right in our own home, it might happen at the dinner table, in the car, etc. We make every family moment count as a spiritual experience. We try and raise our 2 children, Addison age 9 and Aidan age 8 how important it is to have faith in ourselves and god loves us no matter if we go to church or not.

I'm sad to read that so many other readers have a negative attitude toward "religion" and treat this word as a stigma rather than simply a term. Many people are deeply spiritual because of the values they learned in a religious community. You must decide what values are most important to you, and you must decided from what resources those values can be taught. A religious community, with any accompanying customs, can reinforce and nurture faith. Many churches offer more than just Sunday worship, and many offer uplifting, inspirational, applicable lessons based on the scriptures. They also offer wonderful enriching activities and lessons specifically for children, teens, women, and men and are very very family oriented. Often, through church, one can find great service opportunities which are a great way to learn and live Christlike Love. Any Christ-centered faith should teach that all religions offer good and must be respected. There are also many publications available from which to learn and teach and grow, regardless of your specific "religion." I've found great wisdom and insight from www.lds.org, search Gospel Library or Home and Family. When all else fails, get on your knees and pray, then listen for the answer, which may not come immediately!

I really related to your comments. I also have 3 girls and live in Florida! Teenage years, weddings and college tuition scare me completly! Not to mention orthodontics and clothes! But I believe that we will get through it all with God's help. I'm raising my kids in a church, non-denominational. It is part of the Willow Creek Association. We love it, and so do the kids. If you are willing to give corporate worship a try, I highly recommend one of these churches. You can google them and then find a church in your area. They are relaxed and friendly and the goal is just to bring people closer to Christ! I enjoyed reading about you, THANKS!

My husband & I started taking our twin sons out in nature at about age 6 & used the outdoors as an example of God's power & presence. On major Christian holiday's, Xmas & Easter, a family member would choose a particular denomination to visit. Over the years we attended services from evangelical, Baptist, Lutheran, Catholic, Presbytarian-in the main stream to Hindu, Budist and Combinations. We would always learn a bit about what to expect & any dress requirements before hand to show respect.
The upshot over the years is that we believe the core values of all great religions. We believe that the individual can know God personally through prayer & meditation. A brick & mortar church is not essential -although if you find comfort and tools that help you make it through life on a daily basis-great-But we often create our own rituals & bible readings depending on the needs/issues of the individually or collectively. Our sons, now 23, tell us that this upbringing has made them more compassionate towards others, more able to listen to differing opinions and more able to focus on similarities than on differences.

Dear Adelina,

I think that many people in our culture are struggling with this issue. You want your children to know God yet are perhaps frustrated with the way our churches are run. I think that you need to consider how God reveals himself to us. One way is through His own Spirit and another is through the Bible. Praying with your kids is a great way to share your love for God with them. Depending on your background, this can be done by just talking to Him or by reading fixed prayers. (see http://explorefaith.org/prayer/fixed/hours.php) If you are not greatly familiar with the Bible as a whole book, I would suggest reading "Stranger on the Road to Emmaus" by John R. Cross. It is a pretty easy read and summarizes the whole message of the bible from creation to the early church. They also make a children's version of the book called "The Lamb" which we have really enjoyed with our kids.
Anyway, I guess my advice to you is just to expose them to God. Sometimes religions make it difficult but I don't think God ever intended for it to be so. He wants us to love Him and to love each other. Life doesn't get much better than that. Good luck.

Dear Adelina,

My husband and I are doing this, but not really by choice, since we are struggling to find a church we really feel comfortable in, and the options are limited in our area. So our spiritual and family life at home has improved greatly, with more family dinners and prayer together. We try to model for our three kids what Jesus taught: kindness and compassion for others, active work helping people who have less than we do, and an appreciation for our blessings, no matter how small. I do miss church life, but I would rather be in control of my and my family's spiritual life at home than attend a church where we just don't fit in or agree with the message.

I was raised Catholic as were both my parents. The upbringing of an Irish Catholic Mother and Polish Catholic Father was surprisingly relaxed when it came to religion. We were taught as long as we had faith in a higher power..... That was what mattered. In my teenage years my mother and I started attending The First Congregational Church in our town which is a member of the UCC or The United Church of Christ. I understand this is still a formal organization which Adelina is trying to stay away from but my experiences have taught me the UCC is not about what is right or wrong- it's about having faith- loving- being spiritual. The moto of the UCC is "that they all be one" encouraging the idea you can believe, what you want, I'll believe what I want but we will come together to pray and have faith and try to build peace and keep it in this world. Now, keep in mind - not all Congregational Churches are members of the UCC but I encourage Adelina and her husband to visit www.ucc.org to find one in their neighborhood and visit a few times- just to see what faith in God is about and how it is expressed through the eyes of the UCC. I've been lucky to learn in my 12 years as a member of UCC churches (even attending semi-regularly while in college) religion shouldn't be about fear- but rather about love and growth and peacefulness. Good luck Adelina! I hope you and your family find something that allows you to continue to grown with faith and understanding of your views of God!

First, I applaud your candor about the "decision you are wrestling with". I'm 35, and have two daughters 7 and 4, and have too been concerned for the spiritual growth of my daughters. My husband and I felt it important not to spoon feed our kids religion and respect others views. We wanted our families spiritual "place" to be inclusive rather than exclusive. We found a UU (Unitarian Universalist) Church that really fits with our family. The religious education is very good and I'm excited that our kids are going to be a part of it. Wow, I just read Helen's comment and I see that someone else is thinking like I am!!
Hey, try audio books on an ipod instead of reading them. It's a great way to burn through some great reads without actually reading. You could use it in the grocery! By the way several of the markets that I've come to know around the U.S. will allow you to shop online and pick up your order at a set time that you choose. I used this after I had my second daughter, and just pulled up and they loaded my trunk for about $5.00.Other stores use different methods such as points etc.
Great luck on your Journey,
Jen

Adelina, I enjoyed reading a bit about your life. I wondered if you have ever heard of the Unitarian Universalist religion. It encourages each person's quest for their own religious truth. I am the music director at the UU Church in Tallahassee, not too far from you. There is a wonderful gathering of UUs in Clearwater. Check out their website. Good luck, and look me up if you're ever in Tallahassee.......helen

There is a difference between religion and spirituality. I too am struggling iwth this thought but am leaning towards the readers that talk about appreciation of others and things. i don't believe that God is necessarily Christian, and find great comfort in areas of Buddism, etc. so learning a bit about all different religions through a college course yourself, and adapting what you like might be a good way to go. In th end your children will choose the path that they want- they always have the option to attend formal church when they become adults.

Andelina, I hope you will reconsider the idea of raising your children without the benefit of a traditional church background. Although, our faith in God is what ultimately gets us through hard times and God is the one we give all the credit for in the joys of life, you must not underestimate the worth of friendships and relationships that are formed through a church body. My husband and I both were raised in a traditional church background...he being Catholic and I being the daughter of a Baptist mininster. Some of the relationships we cultivated as children and as adults through church are some of our most strong ones.....ones we have counted on to share or joys and our sorrows. I am not saying that you can't have this kind of relationship with people who don't share the common bond of worship, but your chances for long lasting ties are much less. Your children will get old enough to decide for themselves what they believe about traditional worship.....we have four adult children and all but one of them are still strong believers in the bonds of traditional worship and are raising their children in the same manner. The one who doesn't belong to a congregation has a strong faith in
God and accepted Christ as his Savior in his teens, but is not an advocate of corporate worship. I pray God's blessings on your lovely family and good luck raising those beautiful daughters. I have two daughters and two sons and believe me the weddings are expensive, but fun!!

Hi, Adelina,

Thank you for sharing such a personal concern with anyone who picks up Real Simple magazine.

I am yet another mom who shares your concern that my children will confuse God's nature with that of a "stiff, unsmiling sancitmonioius old iceberg who looked as if he were awaiting a vacancy in the Trinity." (Mark Twain's words, unless I've bungled them)

I was raised by loving, thoughtful and caring parents who took me to independent Baptist churches one to three times a week and found the means to pay church school tuition off a machine operator's wages - even when the plant was on strike for months.

A variety of influences and temptations led me within a whisker of being agnostic as a young adult. I fought a difficult, exhausting, and terrifying battle against unbelief for over 6 years. But I can now say with great joy that the subtleties have added up, and I am able to believe from conviction rather than from obedience. I understand belief as distinctly different from knowledge. It is on another plane. The ancients understood the term belief to mean "choosing to place one's faith in" something. And we all do that - even if we choose to place faith in human reasoning and the scientific method.

My experience is that God does keep promises. Seek and ye shall find has come true for me. At the most unexpected moment just the right book, person, idea, quote would fall into my hands - the feeling was literally as if it had dropped from the sky. What I have found is that it is the nature of God to come cloaked (that's from the Renovare' study bible in the New Revised Standard translation). God has yet to approach me in the direction I was looking. Usually, I am tapped on the left shoulder and have to turn all the way around.

The best advice I can give is to echo Christ's - Seek first the Kingdom of God and to walk in righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Grace and peace to you and your family as you look.

My suggestion is that you find your children a simple childrens bible, yourself a Hebrew/Greek dictionary, a concordance bible: let them read it and you be able to answer questions and discuss with them what they have read. Traditonal churches have a tendancy to teach doctrine and their own ideas sometimes, but the Bible is a living word and full of history and information that pretains to everyday life, that is very helpful. You may not understand all of it but reading it and studying it will reveal itself to you right off the pages. Not that going to church is wrong, it shouldn't however give opinions; only the truth. When you search for yourself, you will find it. May God Bless you with wisdom and the spiritual guidance that only He can.

I went to a traditional church, but actually found my salvation in the most unorthodox place...at a business function in Portland Oregon. There are a lot of Christians in this business group, so we had worship services in the Portland Convention Center because we were too positive a group and scared the local churches.Anyhow, the point is, if you have accepted Jesus, like a good friend told me, then you are "Personally Sponsered", and you have Him with you all the time.Getting around like minded Christians who believe that, is good fertile ground to start.I'm not a perfect Christian, Lord knows I've fallen a lot...I just ask for forgiveness...a lot. Younger pastors seem to have a more informal approach, and this is a better way for younger or more family oriented Christians to find a less stifling place to worship. Hope this helps.

My husband and I don't go to a formal church but belong to a small group of people. Here our daughter will have the benefit of learning about Jesus through a community. We teach her about His love and teachings at home as well but sometimes there is a benefit in learning from someone that is not your parent.

P.S. Good idea about the drive-thru grocery store. ; )

My husband and I were both raised Catholic and attended Catholic schools. We both left the church when we left home. We are both spiritual in the sense that we beleive living religion is more important than putting on fancy clothes and going into a building. We have tried to teach our three chldren that the most important thing you can do in this life is be a good person. In that we mean, helping those in need, whether it be family, friends, strangers or animals. Our God is a loving God and loving people, animals and the earth is our religion.
Debbie Brown-Cederna