Dear Simone, I spent years fighting my curly hair too, and I want to share the product I use, Ouidad. It makes my hair behave, without being hard. I know what's it's like to have the "poodle hair". You can accept your hair and love it too. Good luck.

If it's important to YOU that the socks get picked up, you have to be the one to do it. You can't expect your husband to have the same level of order. He just won't see the same things the way you do and you can't force it. I like things quite clean and orderly, my husband doesn't really care. How can he be expected to live up to my expectations. Married 25 years with 4 children. 3 grown and gone and the last ones almost there.

I think the best way to grow in a marriage is to grow together. Your past and your husband's past is what shaped the people you became when you married. It is now up to you to experience the mundane and extraordinary together. Take the challenges, the joys and everything in between and let that shape you into the people your marriage will make you.

The key to balance in your newlywed life is to NOT change who you are for your husband. Stand up for yourself and make your needs known- even if it is a simple need, like not wanting to have his socks everywhere. Your new husband loves you and he should respect your desire to have a sock free living area. It may take several years to "train" each other in what is important, but don't give up. Have high expectations of each other and be willing to compromise. My marriage (20 years) has never been about 50/50, we support each other and take on a greater share of the responsibilities when the other person needs a break or is dealing with the added stress that life brings.

I love the magazine but the last page of the last issue really has me a bit shocked. Simone is most proud of her race. I love that and I think she is beautiful. The second sentence, "we weren't meant to survive in this country, let alone excel", is THE most racist remark I have heard in a long time. With affirmative, action, special minority funding, segregation, minority programs, how can one saytthey weren't meant to survive in this country, let alone excel. I was really disappointed that my favorite magazine would promote this kind of racism and counterproductive comment. What did you hope to gain by accusing every other race of meaning for you to not survive in this country, let alone excel?

To begin, you ca't do it all - at least not in one day. the best thing to do is prioritize. I have found that doing this can make your whole life easier. The point to remember is: your priorities may not be the same as your husbands - therfore, the best WORD for newlyweds - COMPROMISE! Good luck!

Best of luck with your new marriage. It really sounds like you are on the right track. Communication is key! Take time for it or make time for it. Commit to a date night--once a week for the rest of your life. We received this advice from an aunt and uncle and 18 years later, it's still the best way to connect. Oh, and one more: If you both put the lid down, everyone will be happy!

I hear you on the socks...my husband leaves his boxers and black gold toed socks everywhere. After asking him time after time to pick them up I came up with a solution. I picked up his garments without mention, piling them into a garbage bag in the garage. Eventually he ran out of socks and underwear to leave around, and got the picture quite quickly.

Honey, the socks will always be there. The best way to keep your sanity is to just pick them up -- it's not worth the fight.

Hi Simone,
You already have faith in God. Now you just need to have faith in yourself, then faith in your new husband. The answers start within you.
I'm a life coach of 16 yrs., and don't mind sharing some free guidance. Feel free to drop me a line at brenda@brendablackburn.com .
P.S. Remember gratitude! :)

Oh my...

You CHOSE to get married...

BE HAPPY...It's really NOT that hard.

Andrea
Married 13 yrs, Momma of 5

Before I got married I was really an independent woman. I had to learn to take into account my husband's opinion. Early on in our marriage, my husband and I talked about the daily household tasks and what we each liked to do or hated to do, and we take turns. I absolutely hate that my husband's clothes end up on the floor every night - my parents even brought it up once, saying that knowing me, they couldn't believe I let him do that. After five years of marriage, I got sick of always being the one to do things, so I stopped letting it bother me. It especially was that way when we had a baby, and neither of us wanted to do anything. It's all about communication. And if that doesn't work, then hire yourself a cleaning person.

Married at 16, now for 45 years I think I have experienced the gamit of married life. My advise to Simone is don't loose your identity. Your views are just as important as your husbands and don't ever forget it. Compromise is of course necessasary, but it doesn't always have to come from you.

Before I got married, I was an incredibly independent woman. I relied on myself for everything from financial stability to making sure I ate breakfast to lugging two suitcases up and down stairs when traveling. After I got married, I realized I should let some of that go. Marriage is a union between two people, so you have to learn to rely on him for some of those things. Now, I would not even consider lugging two suitcases up the steps. He would not have it, either.
It's important to give to each other in the ways you have been blessed.

I have been married for 34 years. I can honestly say that for the most part any disagreements are the same issues we had our first year. Many of the "rules" or standards for the marriage are established eary on. Work out any feelings or disagreements as they occur.