Kamyra--I totally agree about the undies and your favorite place!!!
There is a lot of hype right now about "The Secret". Some good, some bad. I am a firm believer (with the help of The Secret") that you can do whatever you want to do. I, myself, have stuck with the conventional in order to be safe but have found that I was far less happy! If you've read anything by Robert Kiyosaki, you'd get my drift!. Regardless of your choice, having a plan B is invaluable--everyone needs one these days! I'm a lot more financially secure now that I've found mine! I'd be happy to share more...
jonesgirl04@yahoo.com

Thank you, everyone, for your kind, helpful comments. Be well.

I own my own business and it is hard work, but worth the effert. I can work on my own sch. I am 59 yrs old, I come to work about 12:00 noon and leave aprx. 8-9:00 pm. I would be fired if I worked for someone else. Ha! Enjoy!

For what it's worth, Kamyra, I'd give anything to be in your shoes. I'm desperate to break free of the day-to-day grind of an office job, complete with lengthy and stressful commute. What I wouldn't give to be able to work from home, make my own hours, and do something I love! What stops me is exactly what's causing you to consider a change: benefits, stability, more income. But honestly? Those things decrease in value when they bring with them additional stress, more aggravation, and the prospect of less time with family. So my advice? Do the thing that feeds your soul, and the rest will follow. That's what I intend to do. Good luck!

The same thing happened to me when my daughter was born. I was offered a freelance writing job by a major company. I had to decide whether to go back to my teaching position (fully contracted, safe, with health insurance and pension) or stay at home with my baby girl and try this freelance thing out. Well, I took the leap of faith and stayed home. I figured the opportunity came to me at the right time and when that happens, you should go with it. In your case, the opportunity that came from your letter to the editor is a green light saying -- go this way. It's nearly 7 years later for me and I've published 10 children's books (through contacts at my original freelance job) and I now have two more major clients. I have my life -- and I had (and still have) my time with my daughter. It goes really quick!

For what its worth, if I had it to do again, I would not do the office job. At 50+ I find myself part of an independant music business, recording and publishing original music. Nothing in my 20 years of office work prepared me for this, just a love of music. Now I look at my three children, 27, 26 and 22 know that any one of them, or all of them, might take this business and make a life with it, since they have all grown up to be practicing musicians. So the inheritance that matters is what I love and what I taught them to love.

If you can afford the financial risk, I'd say go fo it. There are a lot of articles on the web about the realities of freelancing (there are some good ones on about.com). Also try talking to some freelance writers to get a good idea of what the reality is.

But if you've got an opportunity, and can afford it, give it a try for one year, and then reassess.

It's very hard to let one's heart rule the head, especially at your age and with a young one to consider, but go with your "gut." I truly believe that we know inwardly the best course of action. You will never regret the time spent with your child. Good luck! Linda

Kamyra, the answer to your dilemma is in your question. Look again at that list of pros and cons. In the pro column under returning to a dependable gig do you have things that satisfy the soul and heart? I'm guessing not.

Making more money is one of the most overrated reasons for giving up your time in a job setting you already know is fraught with toxic experiences. You are in a wonderfully unique position. You have the financial and emotional support of a husband and your budding writing career has already started off with a bang.

In this time in our history, modern technology has made it possible for you to have a career from home without physically going to an office. Whether you expand on your writing career or choose to offer consulting, you can earn a fantastic career with your computer and telephone. This way you control your time so you enjoy those all-important milestones with your son as he grows.

Go for it!

The answer is there is no perfect job. And you already know the trade offs. The secure job comes with the office politics, the regular paycheck and the benefits. Is there a challenge there? Is it the same thing everyday? It will always be that way. You have to decide. I personally think that once you have a child, it is easier to have the less fulfilling career, the dependable management job and get your cup filled at home with your family. I am in the opposite position. I have the dependable, less fulfilling job but my kids are now teenagers and they don't need me as much. We have been able to buy a home, save for college and have some great vacations. Now that my kidss are in high school, they are more independent and I can focus on other things such as freelance writing or taking classes etc...But it truly is a personal choice because in the end you need to be happy. Cuz my momma always told me (and this is true) "If momma ain't happy, nobody is happy." You will figure it out! Just be proud to know how much you have accomplished already for such a young person!

Please send me a questionnaire so I can be considered for a Real Life Column. I am 27 and a new wife, new mom and just quit working. I am trying to adjust to my new life with baby and still keep my marriage fun!

What's more important to you? You can't measure the worth of time spent with your child. Office politics or fulfillment?

Please send me a questionnaire so that I can be considered for a Real Life column. I am a lawyer and mother who has restructured my work to help my teenagers and husband for a few years. I work at home with my two dachshunds, and my biggest challenge is mixing work and chores at home since I have a home office. Thanks

Kamyra,
I can only tell you from my own experience that I wouldn't trade a full time job "real" job for working for myself, 7 days a week, sometimes not knowing where the money is coming from, for anything. You said your career is taking off but you're making less. Yes, I'm making less than I would in a traditional job but I have sooo much flexibility and the time I have to spend with my kids is invaluable. It gets stressful and lonely at times. And I have to force myself, sometimes really force myself to stay on track but it's worth it. It's funny, since I'm not at all interested in working for someone else, I've been offered so many positions from various companies. If you're of creative nature, which it sounds like you are, I feel you'd be happier in the end with a non-traditional career. It sounds like you're good at it and you're already reaping the benefits by being able to spend more time with your son. Keep it up.

Mary Harrison
38, Event Planner, Mom

Kamyra:
I believe from experience that the right decision it's only deep inside your heart. Instead of spending so much energy trying to decide what could be better for you and your family... stop thinking so much about what could be the best, I believe that when you let go of the need to answer the question, the universe itself will do its job to bring answers to your heart; any decision you make from the deep core of yourself could never be the wrong one.

I interviewed for a sales/management position at an upscale women's clothing store last year that I thought I had in the bag. I did not get it, and was very disappointed. Last year was an extremely difficult year with losing my grandfather, my son moved, losing my job, and my husband and I going through a short separation. I was in a terrible depression, and some life changes took place that has put me on a much better path I would have never expected (and my husband and I are very solid today). I received a call the other day from that clothing store--nearly 9 months later. I realized that I was not meant to have that job then, and that I am in a much better position with myself for it now. Sometimes we don't always see the trees in the forest, but they are there. I have learned that with change can come new and enlightening discoveries that we never may have experienced otherwise. I believe you should stay with what you are doing, writing at home and taking care of your son, and stay open to opportunities that you may not expect or imagine. Those are the trees in the forest!

Kamyra: I think you should stay home and follow what is more of a passion and fulfilling. Being home when you have children is priceless. I have been on both sides, working in corporate world and now stay at home with business in my home. It is a struggle to always be self employed but dealing with corporate politics is so much worse. I also am grateful to be the one that picks up my kids from school everyday and I'm at home when they are. If you follow the path your on now the money will follow, it takes time. Good luck!

It sounds to me from your comments like you're leaning toward staying home, at least for now. The only downside you mention is that you earn less (and there are a lot of aspects to freelancing that can't be tallied up in numbers). You say you don't miss the office politics; staying home with your son and writing is fulfilling; the setup has worked surprisingly well. You could always defer the decision till your son is old enough for school.

p.s. I laughed out loud about the bikinis that are large enough to cradle your ample fanny! Wonderful line!

My life is full of stress, but its also full of love, laughter, hopes, dreams....I am a single mother and soul provider for twin 16mo boys. I work full-time, have started my Masters degree, and average a trip to Riley hospital once a week with one of my sons. When i got pregnant, I humbled myself and flew home with only 2 suitcases of closes and one bag of books in my possession. I was 26, a has been homecoming queen, student body president, college graduate, world traveler. I had awful credit and zero money. I am slowly trying to make a life for my children. I love them and want to make them proud. They are my daily inspiration, my little angels..THEY saved my life. Thank you Dylan and Aidan.

My parents became missionaries when I was two months old, and I grew up in central Mexico. Instead of going to boarding school as many missionary kids do, my parents kept me home and I studied by correspondence. As a result I was involved in almost every aspect of their ministry and my social, emotional, and moral development is strong and unpolluted by conflicting influences. As an adult I have been able to reflect on these and have the personal confidence to develop my own philosophies. My independence was not hindered because I stayed home; I now live alone in California and have a stable new career in social services.

I suppose what I am offering is the child's perspective of growing up close to their parents. As a feelancer, you have the unique opportunity of closely guarding your young son's social, moral, and emotional influences. You will be able to share with him your thoughts as you write and teach him at an early age how to think for himself and effectively defend his position, an invaluable tool for making tough "against the crowd" decisions as he gets older. Most important, he will trust you because he will spend more time with you than with anyone else.

I have been working with children since I was about 15. There is nothing more sad to me than when a parent calls the day-care provider at 10pm asking how to calm their crying baby; or, when a child cries when it is time to go home from day care or the babysitter's. I have never known a child to wish that his parents worked more or a mother who didn't feel at least a tug of guilt because she was working. Your freelance job is such a blessing! Don't trade the few precious pre-school years for a tug of guilt with insurance.

I left TV news when my son was 6 months old. I did freelance writing full-time during his nap-time and paid my portion of the bills for nearly a year before returning to the working -outside -of -the -home world. BUT I did not return to just some job to pay the bills. I picked one that I knew would make me as happy as being home with my son. The added security of extra money (read: money that goes beyond the things you really need in life) will never pay for the time away from your child. The job has to be fulfilling, too, or you will regret the decision in the long run. The career I left my at-home job for is my dream job, so I've never thought twice about my decision. But, I turned down a few offers that would have "paid the bills" before this job came along. When the right job comes along, you will know it. Don't give up what you've got now until that happens.

Kamyra-

There is no such thing as a dependable gig.... I think you're looking for a consistent paycheck, which you don't have to get by confining yourself to a corner office and office politics. Remember your gift will make room (provide) for you.

I work as a freelance graphic and web designer and have for the past 9 years, since my older daughter was born. I would say to keep freelancing as long as you can. For me, it has been great to be have a flexible schedule and be there for my kids' school events, yet still make a living. It's a lot of juggle, and staying focused is hard sometimes, but in the end, I'm glad I'm able to work this way. In the end, you have to do what makes you happy. The benefits of one definitely have to outweigh the other, but these are precious years, and your son will only be 2 once.

I was a freelance writer/editor for 10 years, seven of which were after the birth of my first child. I took a full-time gig two years ago when we bought a new house (and needed to make the new, bigger mortgage). By that time, my youngest was five years old and starting school. I loved the flexibililty of working from home when they were little, and sometimes I still miss that. My husband works for the local university, so our benefits come through his job.

I've been fortunate, though, to find a job with a wonderfully flexible, family-friendly organization. That's really important. Enhanced financial security may not be worth the hassle if your full-time employer gives you a hard time about being home with a sick child or taking time off for school events.

When you're doing the balance sheet, did you figure in the cost of child care, etc.? Many working moms with very young children are working mostly to pay the babysitter. Maybe it makes good financial sense (and emotional sense) to freelance for now and save those child-care costs. Once your child is older, if you still need/want more financial security, you can always move into a full-time job then.

Bottom line: Take the full-time gig now only if it will fulfill you personally AND financially, and if the employer supports your primary role as a parent.