I guess it really comes down to what you truly want. At the end of the road, at the end of the day, will you look back on your life to find that you missed out on something or that you were content. A second child, no matter what their health or your age is going to completely change your life. Be ready for that! If it's important to you to have another child, then there are so many options, even if natural conception doesn't work out. I think it's great that you seem comfortable with the see-what-happens plan. Hopefully, that will work out for you the way you want. Good luck to you.

We are currently struggling with the same question (though my daughter is only 6 months old). But as someone who had fertility treatments, and has spoken to many other women who did the same, I would have to say "think twice" if you do decide to lean in that direction! I am eternally greatful for my daughter, and am happy we got the help, but I will never do it again. Fertility treatments, whether IVF or IUI or the like, are very difficult, painful, and time-consuming, not to mention the havoc they wreak on your hormones. My husband and I have decided that if we get pregnant on our own, then great - much like you have said you are feeling - but if we don't, then that's that. I am an only child, and don't necessarily want that for my own daughter, but maybe it's just meant to be. Besides, being pregnant at age 34, as I was, was exhausting enough when I didn't have a baby/toddler to care for! Bless you for even attempting it - you're braver and more woman than me!!

I think you are just wanting something else, and not sure how to say what you want. That perhaps it will not be well received or you are just afaid. You alrealdy have kids, and things are going pretty well with them. I think that you should not have another baby.

I think that if it happens, all the more blessed you'll be. So what if the baby has health issues or has something like Down Syndrome? Our youngest of 5, Rebecca, was born when I was 43. She has Down Syndrome. She is the absolute joy of the family. We've been through some health issues that just pulled our family together even more. Each child, even is born healthy, has the potential to have health issues-does that keep us from having them in the first place? Good Luck with your decision.

I think it comes down to this: when you're having dinner with your family, does it seem like someone is missing? For me, it was about filling that empty seat at the table. We had our second child after many struggles, but now our family, and our hearts, are complete.

Hey Kelley! It's your former sister-in=law!!! I'm so happy to read about you in one of my favorite magazines, I shared it with the whole family. You're still family to us and we're very proud and happy for you and Troy and Cole. Good luck with the baby situation and however it turns out, know you're blessed and fortunate just the way you are.

Dear Kelley,
I went through a similar situaltion, married at 33, my first child, a son, at 36. We tried for several years after to have a second child. I had always wanted two children and would have loved to have a daughter. But it was not meant to be. I grieved for awhile, but now am rejoicing in God's blessings of our wonderful son. We love our family of three. Even though we are busy (my son is 15 now) we enjoy our much quieter, simpler life style compared with larger families. We can really concentrate on our son's strengths and talents. My husband and I have more time for ourselves. We are able to travel and do other things that might have not been as easy with a larger family. Our son does not miss having a sibling. He enjoys his space and his time with us. Although having an only child was not in my plans, God knew better for us and we rejoice in our life!

If you are asking the question, it sounds like the answer in your heart may be "yes". (Actually I think most of us asking ourselves these types of questions are perhaps wanting to say "yes", but it is sometimes our fears & insecurities that give us doubts--which is very natural.) I whole-heartedly agree with Maria, who said that it is highly unlikely you will look back and regret another child, but far more likely that you will.

Kelley's life sounds happy. It is my opinion that her family would have added happiness with another child. I believe that a brother or sister for her son would be the best gift he would ever have. I am the mother of four and I don't think a person ever regrets having "too many children" but might look back one day and wish they'd had more.

Kelly, I grew up next door to a woman who had two children and lamented that she wished she had another. Ask yourself this...would I love this child any less than the first? As a mother of three, ages 14, 11 and 3, I thought I would stop after two children. But the third came along as a pleasant and excited surprise at the age of 41! I think you know in your heart what you want to do.

Kelly,

I am a 39 year old only child and a nurse practitioner who specializes in high risk pregnancy. As an only child, when I was younger, I always wanted siblings. As an adult, I realize there were many benefits to being an only child. The friendships I have as an adult are much closer than many of the relationships it seems my friends with siblings have. Also, many of my friends with siblings are not close to their siblings....some are. I am still single and facing whether or not to have children. I have come to the point in life where I realize that many times there are not right or wrong answers, just different paths. Your child can and will have a very happy childhood and life as a only child, just as she will with siblings; it will just be different. Which ever path you and your husband decide to take will be a good path if you choose to enjoy the journey.

I wish people could just accept that a family of three is still a family. I am 34, married and have one son. We are a very happy and loving family but there is always the pressure to have another. When people ask how many children I have, I say one and the response is always the same, "oh, only one, that's easy, that's not parenting" I think it's great having one, we are able to do so many more things as a family, such as trips, dinners out, etc. and most of our time is quality time because we don't have to split our time. We attend all of our sons sporting events, school concerts and more. Are there positives and negatives, there are times that he may be lonely but he has tons of friends. My Dad is also an only child and he says he didn't miss out on anything and that I shouldn't be worried about having another. We are still a complete family.

Kelly, I am 45 and just found out I am pregnant (approx. 6 weeks). I too have an only, a vivacious, spunky 6 year old girl. I struggled for the past 6 years to have another because my delivery was horrendous. Long story short, I developed enclampsia after the delivery (emergency c-section) and almost stroked 3 days later. My doctor was horrible, my husband can't even mention her name without using the word malpractice, but we won't go there. Anyway you can only imagine the mental trauma I experienced. I went to seek professional help, while this did cure me for a while, I still longed for my child to have a sibling. She is such a nurturing little girl and what an amazing big sister she would be. I took the path that you are taking now, I decided to let fate take over. We enjoyed the usual once a week sex, (sorry guys, this was all I could muster), but viola it happend. I am so scared, my husband is not so happy, and I do feel a bit like a freak show, but it is not about me. After what I went through, and with the best high risk doctors I can find, I can do this and we are going forward. I wish you all the best through your journey.

Kelly, I think you are so lucky with what you have. I too am 45 (actually we went to elementry school together!! and I recognized your photo), I have grown sons (college and ending high school) and I can't imagine another baby. Maybe just see what happens and if nothing, it was meant to be.
Thinking of you,
Kendra Downing (Staalberg)
Hermosa Beach

I got married in my late 30's and was very single up until that time. I remember at family parties my grandmother, aunts and even stragers would ask if I was married. And when I replied no, they gave me a look like they felt sorry for me. I always hated this look but found myself giving it everytime someone tells me they are an only child. Having two siblings I can not imagine growing up alone. If you are able to have another child, I think you should. Of course, its a blessing to have even one child and if your life does not permit, then I am sure your child will be very happy. Although, you may have to get him a puppy! Good luck!

It is funny to read that other only children are saying you should have another child, because I logged on to say the same thing. I think almost nobody escapes childhood warped in someway, but only children are warped in their own special way--I've given myself 18 years to recover from the first 18 years of my life in which I was told that the world revolve around me. It is natural for parents to want to give their children all they can, but when their is more than one child you are sometimes forced to say no. This is healthy for kids, I think.
If it turns out a 2nd child isn't in your future, I would highly encourage you to learn the discipline of saying no even when you don't have to and ideally, living near family where you child can have sibling-like relationships or to find a non-family community where family-like relationships can be formed. I agree with Erica's response that the worse part of being an only child (especially of older parents which I am myself) is the fear of being left alone in the world. Best of luck and much wisdom as you take the path ahead of you!

As an only child I would whole heartedly say yes. As a child I always asked for siblings, just as kids will do, but now that I am almost 30 I know what I have missed out not having any siblings. I have recently watched my father struggle with his father's death and mother's illness and all without a sibling for support, and to be honest nothing scares me more than having to go through those things alone. Friends saying you wouldn't understand because you don't have a sister/brother pales in comparison to the huge responsibility you are placing on your only child to take care of you when you are older.

It seems that you and your husband want another child, but what about your child? Are you saying that your first child early years went so fast that you and your husband want another child inofrder to "savor" the early years of a child"s life, that you were too busy appreciate. I am confused about the motivation to have another child.

Go with your gut. Picture yourself in 5 years - if it is still 'just' the three of you, will you feel imcomplete? Regretful? Or can you truly say "if it is meant to be, it will be" and if it doesn't happen, you'll accept it? If you do want another child, then you may want to start exploring medical assistance. But be prepared - it can be emotionally and financially draining. Either way - trust your gut, and good luck :-)

Hi Kelley,
I have a 6 yr old daughter and a 3 yr old son. I had 3 miscarriages (2 of them between the 2 successful pregnancies). I ADORE my children, if something were to happen to either of them I'd have a hard time going on - yet I will honestly tell you that having more than one child isn't as fun as everyone tells you. The first 3 yrs of my son's life were extremely rough on me since I'm not the type of person who needed a child to feel complete - I already had a great marriage, and lots of activities and interests to occupy and stimulate me. I have no desire to have a third child. My son was a difficult baby and toddler and I'm very glad he's now a preschooler so I have more time to myself, to dedicate to my husband, my business and all my hobbies - thereby truly enjoying every moment with my children. Of course, everyone is different but it seems like most people say how wonderful it is to have children, while the truth is it's extremely difficult on the main caretaker, on the marriage, most of the time. Just follow your heart and then have faith that what's meant to happen, will. Good luck.

Dear Kelley,
I am 15 years old. As a single child, I say definitely yes! Almost all of my friends have at leas one sibling. I can't tell you how jealous I am. No matter how much they tell me how annoying their little brothers and sisters are, I know they are only saying that to comfort me. I know that at times their siblings are annoying, but I can't help but feel I missed out on so much. It was hard for me to understand sharing, and I never had anyone to talk to about my parents. Sure I am close to my friends and tell them about issues, but it isn't the same. Siblings share such a close bond! Your son may be jealous if you have another one, but he will grow to treasure his younger sibling. He will feel important being older and wiser, and have enjoyment from teaching them the rules of life. GO FOR IT!!!!!

Kelley, my husband and I have six children and can tell you wholeheartedly without hesitation -- YES, have more children! Each one is such a unique blessing and joy and we can't imagine life without any of them. Our children benefit from having siblings in so many ways, from learning that the universe doesn't revolve around them to learning to consider the needs of others to having playmates available no matter what to having enthusiastic supporters always in their corner and more. My husband and I have met SO MANY couples in the generations before ours that have said, "Oh, we wish we'd had more children!" No one has ever said, "We had too many." The benefits to yourself, your husband, your son, your community and your world of bringing in another ray of hope far outweigh the hard parts of parenting. From someone who's been there and who KNOWS -- I say go for it! Blessings to you.

What concerns me about your story is this line: "as the months pass and I’m not pregnant, I feel disappointed. " Being unsuccessful when attempting pregnancy is highly stressful and only gets worse with time. You need to keep in mind that becoming pregnant at 45 is a whole different ballgame then doing so at 39. I urge you to see a specialist and discuss your options if you want to continue to try to become pregnant. Having your options laid out for you by a specialist will really help you to gain perspective. I wish you the best of luck in whatever path you take.

Weigh the risks, but if you really feel that something is missing in your family give it a try. You can also consider adopting. There are so many great kids that could use a wonderful home!