You will never be 'ready'. If you wait for that day to come then you will never have kids. Be open to the process. My kids teach me everyday how to be a better mom. We are a team and I love them unconditionally. All of your many questions can only be answered by having kids. Return to work? Depends on your child. Are they high or low maintenance? Do you have access to good child care? Every parenting uncertainty is only resolved by trying. But I can assure you that nothing in life is better than when those tiny fingers wrap around yours for the first time and you know that your life has a greater purpose and meaning than even you will ever fully comprehend.

Ali, the way I see it is there's never going to be a perfect time or the perfect amount of finances... kind of like when you're planning a wedding! I am 29 and talk regularly with my husband about having children. We want to have a family together, but also enjoy the time we have as a couple right now. Once a parent, always a parent! I think talking about it and processing it in your head helps you to get ready as you allow yourself to imagine what it would be like to be a Mom. The fact that you think about all aspects of your life that might be affected by a family tells me you probably are ready; or would be if it happened. My friends who are new Moms say, "No matter how much you plan or prepare, nothing really gets you ready." I'm sure parenting will be overwhelming at times no matter what. Both my husband and I work full time, seems like a lot of people need a dual income to have a family these days. I think about what that will mean for us. I am blessed to work from a home office, but am still required to travel on a daily basis.

Ali, like you, I am 28 and am wrestling with the same question. I am not going to give you my life story, but I am back together with my ex-husband and things are great. We have been discussing having children, and decided that when it happens, it will be the right time. You can under plan and you can over plan. Just let things happen because everything happens for a reason.

Oh, and my definition of being a good mom is being there for your children, no matter what life brings you.

Some people would say that being really ready means being good and sure about wanting to be a mother. It is normal to have concerns about things like the room and finances, but if you're unsure of your own capacity to be the right kind of mother maybe you need to find some good books for expectant mothers and new mothers and some child development books. Educating yourself well about these topics could help prepare you or at least may help you realize that you're not ready (if, in fact, you're not).

Being a mother isn't about whether you'll have the patience. Its about making sure you find the patience.

Being ready isn't just about putting the child's needs first. Its about not resenting the child when you do that.

"The best future dad in the world" wouldn't want his child to be born to a mother who isn't ready, and if you have doubts then there is no way he can legitimately assure you that everything will be ok on that front. People who are not certain they want to become a parent (especially mothers, I think) should not have a baby because someone else wants one. Financial issues and space issues do tend to work out ok one way or another, but a mother's lack of readiness doesn't just iron itself out if the issues are substantial ones. Having a husband who says he loves you doesn't help the baby if his mother doesn't have patience for with him.

Having a good understanding of human nature and of child development, copying the particularly awesome things your mother did, and making the decision to do what it takes to be a good mother can help a mother do a good job. Some women have to muster up the maturity to GET ready when the baby is not planned.

When you sign on to become a mother you're signing on for the rest of your life because when children are grown the role of mother grows as well.

I had to chuckle a little at the way your questions were presented because it was almost as if you were asking the Magic 8 Ball. When it comes down to it, somewhere at your core you know whether you really want to have a baby right now or whether this is not what you want. Find a way to hear what your heart tells you, and if it is honestly not leaning toward having a baby don't do it. You and husband need to be grown-ups about this and do what is right for a future baby because one of the most important signs that a woman will be a good mother is that she loves her children before they're even conceived.

I'm 28 too and just yesterday was balling almost all day and fighting with my husband about having a home big enough to live in comfortably with a baby (we had originaly planned on moving to a little bit bigger place at the end of the year, but I guess money would be tigher than my husband is comfortable with). He's totally ready for kids and I'm ready one day and then completely stressed the next. I find it all overwhelming and I worry most about losing my identity and becoming a stereotypical mom. My mom certainly was not stereotypical so why would i be? I also don't want to give up some of the perks that I work hard for and enjoy. Reading all these comments gave me a sense of peace about the whole thing. We'll never find the perfect house, the perfect work schedule, etc. And I can raise kids the way I want to. I can get my haircuts and color if I want to and still go out to lunch with friends. If I'm going to obsess over the cleanliness of the house, I'll have to find a way to afford to have it cleaned a couple of times a month. And I underestimate my husband. He told me that I've already set him up to be a terrible father which made me feel awful. He'll be awesome. He's already so incredible and he makes dinner a couple of times a week and does his own laundry and surprises me with trips out of town or shopping splurges. We'll be fine. Will it be the perfect eutopia I imagine it will be? Of course not, I'm not the perfect woman that I would love to be, but I still like myself a lot. I like hearing that a happy mom makes a happy family. So thanks everyone for your great comments. I just feel a lot better knowing there are others out there that worry about trivial things like the size of your house and getting sleep. Thanks!

I questioned if my husband and I should have children early in our marriage. My husband loves children, but he was ok if we didn't have them either. By the time I was 30, it was time, in my opinion, to try if we were going to do. Our first daughter changed our lives. We felt love for another human being that I had never known before. I continued to work full-time. Ten months after the birth of our first child we found out we were pregnant again. Both are great joys. I continue to work full time. It works, but it is tough. I am fortunate to have a husband who does his fair share of the parenting duties. Children change your life. They change your marriage. There is never the right time for children, but if you want them they will bring you great joy.

Artist-art teacher-mom-wife-fantasy great american novelist/artist/actress/perfect mom. Five kids (three mine, two step. 11-25 years old), beautiful step grandbaby, oh yah, and the dog, Bella. I keep telling my kids that I'm great mind a body for a 46.5 year old. My youngest laughes! Someone said resently, that I can get along with anybody and make them laugh and feel good. The outside is always more simple then the inside but life for me is to always make and take care of others needs. Born and raised in Pheonix, Arizona. Help! How did I end up in Columbus, Ohio? But I do have the seasons. Create life in everything you do. I would love to be a featured reader-hint, hint.....

To continue what I said about debating on whether or not I want to become a mom; I meant to say that my husband does not care whether or not we have kids, or when we decide-we've been married for 2 years and have known each other for 2.5 years. We just thought that if we do decide to have them-that it might be nice to raise them before we both retire at 49-if we do decide to have them I'd want to mostly be a stay-at-home mom-but the question is if and when.

I am also debating on whether or not to become a mom yet. My husband and I will both be 29 this year-he plans on retiring when he's 49-we've talked about not really wanting to raise our kids when we're retired (even if it's just for a year or two after we retire). We're both avid runners, and I know that we can put our kids in childcare for a little while we run every day. I'm just really anxious about the stresses of parenthood. My mom thinks that it'll put a strain on our relationship-so sometimes I even wonder if we should have kids at all. She knows that we run lots of marathons and relates the strain of having kids to this. I don't know if I'm ready yet either (or ever will be). I wish that I could figure it out for myself but it's just so hard.

Aha, I know this question well.
We've been married for 1 year and 5 months. In that year plus, we packed up our lives, left our friends and home and shipped off to the other side of the country where it is lonely and unfriendly for the sake of his job. We don't see each other much due to his research and live in a small apartment.

We're trying to figure out what to do next, now that we're living somewhere we don't want to live, spending more time at work than with each other. We want children and can't imagine missing out on such an amazing experience, but I'm petrified that we won't be able to give them enough time, love, support...How do you decide when to make the leap? There's no turning back and everything becomes for the sake of your children. How do you know if your relationship with your husband is strong enough? How do you know that you won't create another tough life for a little person because you had a child when you weren't prepared? I hear comments like "You'll be ready when the time comes" or "You'll know when you know." How can you be enough for something so important?

If you figure this out Ali, please pass it along. Your husband's amazing quote sends a sweet sense of your connection. I wish you all the best.

Please send questionnaire

No one is really ready - even when planning for a child. But also don't wait until later if you are wanting now. My son was unplanned and I raised him by myself while building a career. It wasn't what I thought my life would be - but then I wouldn't change any of the choice I have made for me or my wonderful 22 year old son. I always wanted more kids (I'm the fourth of six kids) and am so glad that I took the chance to raise my son when everyone thought I was crazy. I'm 47 and am still looking for that special someone - knowing full well that being a mom was exactly what I was suppose to do when I did it. If I had waited, I wouldn't have had the wonderful experience of being a parent.

I had my first child at 26 and my second at 32. Now I'm 45 and one is already in her second year of college and the other in 7th grade. We could never afford it, but you make do. We don't have fancy cars or all of "the things", but we have a roof over our head, full bellies and a really good life. It passes in the blink of an eye, but if I close my eyes and concentrate, I am flooded with such joy and love and richness, I can't imagine life without them. I look forward to weddings and grandchildren and a future filled with countless memories. I say jump in with both feet. You will never regret it!

Plese send me a questionnaire

I don't think anyone is ever truely "ready" to be a mom. I never planned on having kids, I didn't want kids. Then I got pregnant at 18 and ready or not! I was a mom. Since then, my life goals have completley changed. Instead of going into what I thought was my dream career, I married my high school crush (not my daughter's biological father), became a stay at home mom and now almost 10 years later, I am the mother to three beautiful girls with our first boy on the way. Of the four children we have, only one was "planned". My life goals have changed, but I still feel so fullfilled, moreso than I ever did with anything else. I am able to still live my life and fullfill my own personal goals and dreams while devoting the majority of my time to my kids. My point is that I don't think a person is ever ready to have kids. I don't think a person should ever make a permanent decision either way. Children are the most amazing blessing you could ever imagine. I belive that whether you work outside the home or not, the most important "job" you have is raising children. I did not have the greatest parents in the world, so I am now trying to change the cycle with my children. Anyway, the point is you will never have the right house, money, job, city, whatever. It will never be perfect. It's what you make of it. If you are blessed with a child, great. If not, that's fine too. Why limit yourself when you could be living your best life? Anyway, hope that helps and makes some sort of sense!! Best of luck to you.

Take the advice from your husband and not to worry. He's right, everything will fall into place. It sounds like your practical (just like me) and you like to plan ahead. However, children are a gift and your life will fall into place just fine.

Ali,

Two things I would add to all of this advice.

1. I disagree that you should do all that you can to be a stay at home mom. Everyone is different and find rewards in life in different ways. I worked part time for a few years and went back full time and know that I would never have made it as a stay-at-home mom. (Unlike Monica below). My children (9 and 6) are doing great in school, are wonderful kids, no complaints. I think the most important part of being a good parent is having a partner that agrees with you and is supportive of raising a family as a joint goal, but respects you for your other life goals. (this is not meant to be a judgment of stay-at-home-moms AT ALL, just what worked for my life so far)

2. My husband and I waited 5 years to have children because we wanted to build a life together as a family unit first. We had a lot to do together and work out. Because we took that time to really know each other and spend time together as a "family", it helped us become better parents.

I agree with Jill....make sure you really want them. I like kids, but have always felt like I didn't need to have them to be happy. Why? I don't know. I grew up in a loving, happy household with a brother and sister and a doting mom and dad. My late mom and dad NEVER pushed me to have children as so many parents do. No one needs to live a guilt trip. I've been happily married for 25 years and my family is complete with a dog and two parrots.

It's a big decision to become a parent. I am a parent to two beautiful children and It was a decision that we made knowing somethings in life we would not be able to do as easily, ie; date nights, going out to a movie, dinner. But it's fun staying in with our kids too and enjoying sesame street or playing candyland. Its a decision you have to be comfortable with.

Ali,
Three things:
1) Do whatever you can to be a stay-at-home mom. It's worth all the hard stuff you need to go through. It took me a while to get used to the concept, but now I'm pretty good at it! Your kid/s will be better for it - the rewards are immesurable. There is always time to work - but the time you have to spend with your kids while they are young is limited.

2) My mom is pretty awesome too. Aren't we lucky? It's because of her and your fabulous husband that you will be a great mom. No doubt.

3) Forget all the practical matters. They don't matter. I still don't know how my husband and I are making it on one salary! And even though we have a tiny house it's worth it to wake up every morning to my family. Besides, you never know where your kids will lead you in life.

One more thing: have any moms (that you admire) told you: "don't have kids"? Notice the people that tell you not to have kids don't have any. Hummm.....

Remember how you said the one thing you will never understand is you parents??? Once you have children, trust me, you will. The love that a parent has for a child is so enormous, it is only understood once you have a child that is yours (how that child come to be yours really does not matter...adoption, biologcal, etc) I was a school teacher. I used to wonder why parents believed their children's stories so much, why they defended them so vehemently, how they could love that little mouth breather with the braces and greasy hair. A very wise woman, once my principal told me that when I became a parent, I would be an even better teacher. I was mortified. I was already a good teacher! Those kids were like having my own! Not true. When my daughter Emily was born nine years ago, every question about my why my parents did the things they did, about how much I was loved...all made sense. Suddenly, I realized that the parents of the children I had from te most well liked to the harder to find something to love kids, were sending to school the absolute best that they had. Their children were a culmination of their best efforts. Ali, there are great days, there are regular ho-hum days and there are afew that make you go hmmmm......am I going to make it? But, if you and your husband love each other, I will tell you there is no way to plan a great time to have a baby. He is right. As long as you two are in it the marriage together and you know that one day you would love to give being a mom your best shot, any time you two have a child together, you will make it work. The crib space to whether to make a doctor visit...it will work.

No woman is ever 'ready' to be a Mom.

No woman is EVER primed for pregnancy or labor, no matter how many books you read...and those of you who have been there can relate! We are never organized enough for the onslaught of bottles, diapers or sleepless nights, teething babies or potty training. We are never equipped for temper tantrums, last-minute late-night homework assignments, or ‘teenage-hood’, the first driving experience or forgotten curfew.

But then again, no woman is ever prepared for that unforgettable first kick of life that you alone are responsible for carrying. Nor can you ever predict the rush of emotions you experience when you hold your babe for the first time. You are never prepared for the last time your baby takes a bottle or the countless times you wake up in the night to check on a soundly sleeping infant. You are never ready for the first time your toddler says “I love you” in all of its imperfect pronunciation, or your child’s first A+, or preparing them for the prom.

No woman is ever ready for the flash of a lifetime, when they hold their own son or daughters infant in their arms.

Practical matters like money, doctors appointments, work schedules or room in you tiny apartment will all work themselves out with time. Having children is the most chaotic, frightening whirlwind of wonderful-ness any one person could ask for.

No woman is ready to love so much.

it is a difficult "decision" as a working mother of 2 (daughter age 4 1/2 and son 3 months) it truly is the most wonderful and rewarding experience-- but also the most challenging. i would love for someone to write a book that gets real about the challenges of life and parenting. it would make people not feel like they are alone when things are hard! the best support is a supportive partner, a good network of friends- and the beauty of looking at my kids-- they are worth all of it!!

You will never be financially ready. Your home will never be big enough. You will never find the 'right' time to tell your boss... Give up on those things and consider what is important - what do you really want deep in your heart? You will have to change your lifestyle, your priorities, every moment of everyday. Is it worth it to you? To me, it was and I haven't regretted having my daughter for a moment. That doesn't mean its always easy. It doesn't mean I don't wonder what the heck I'm doing sometimes. But I was ready to put my life and my career aside... are you?