I have an adopted child and two biological children (all grown), and I began the adoption process as a single person. When a person is a ready and capable mother the children don't really drive their mom nuts very much. While its true clothes and lessons take money, it isn't all that much. (College tuition is a killer, though.)

I tend to want to tell you that when you should be a mother there is no question in your mind whatsoever. You know its what you want without a doubt.

It isn't a myth that children bring a life joy and bring out all kinds of facets of your personality and strength that you didn't know could exist; but its important to remember that the best parenting experience is the one for which people are certain they're ready. It isn't always the same for the person who isn't truly ready and certain about what she wants.

I don't think bridging gaps or proving anything should ever be factored into the adoption decision, and I think you need to go in with the idea that loving the child is the only reason to adopt.

When mothers are certain they want children and are ready and having good parenting skills there is no being "run to the poor house" because such mothers never feel poor, even if they need to live on a tight budget.

With an adopted child it does take a lot of thinking and planning and understanding what will help him/her feel the most secure when it comes to what you tell hi/her about the birth circumstances. That's the biggest challenge, I think.

I, personally, would never have chosen to live without children; but I think, too, you need to really go over your deep-down motives for considering adopting - and then let those be your guide.

I love your responses! I too am from Portland and live in the Pearl. I love that you are looking into adoption-I was too a couple years back. (I'm 33 now.) I was also looking into fostering children, on my own too. It's really difficult in OR for some reason. Ideally, they want you to be a stay at home mom with a husband that makes a good amount of money. Not my situation (or yours) at all! But I'd love to experience loving a child like that. I did adopt a dog from the Bonnie L Hayes shelter in Hillsboro though! If you ever want to get together, come down to Sip and Kranz on 10th and Lovejoy in NW. You'd meet tons of fun people that could help you wrestle through lots of things! See ya, Liesl :)

My husband and I feel that, overall, people don't regret having children but they may regret NOT having children. If you aren't sure about adopting then become a foster parent. Check your local Division of Family Services for classes to become a foster parent. If you enjoy parenting, then it may be easier to adopt through the system. Good luck with your decision.

There is a special place in my heart for any one who wants to adopt a child. The reason that this is so is because I was adopted. For the record, I was adopted by the best two people on planet earth. I am 29 years old now, married and have an awesome career. Everyday I wake up humbled by the fact that my mother and father chose me. With that choice, they gave me EVERYTHING I would have never known otherwise. The gave me love, opportunities, encouragement and they taught me discipline and drive. While it's obvious that I am adopted, my family has never treated me in a manner that would imply I was less than their own. I think adopting a child is one of the most self-less, cognitive decisions a person can make. To even consider this step leads me to believe that you are beyond capable, you were meant to do this. I wish you much success.

The fact that you're asking yourself these tough questions already hsows that you have at least some of the wisdom and maturity to be able to take care of a child. No one is ever really ready for the chnages children bring. You just have to jump into it, knowing that it will be a crazy ride. I think Nicole makes some great points, if nothing else in that you have to focus on the positives of your situation, no matter what they are-- there's no use lamenting lost freedoms, or spending too much time thinking of what you're missing (whether you have kids or not). Take the time to appreciate what you have, NOW, and life will be so much easier, happier, satisfying. If you do decide to adopt, you have tp jump into it, with both feet, ready and willing, knowing that doubts will be there and fear and worry, but that you're going to make the most of your situation, no matter what it may be.

What are you thinking? It sounds as though you're on the edge of learning to love yourself, with time to discover your true self. Parent yourself and the 2 you already have. If you must add someone, add a puppy to the mix. Enjoy your present and future, and discover your own talents and gifts. Please don't bury yourself as a single mom.

I'm not looking to adopt but as a 27 year old who has been married for almost 6 years and with no kids yet, I often struggle with the same questions as you, i.e., "if Im even supposed to be a mother. Is the grass truly greener with children in your life, or is that a myth that parents make up to improve their outlook when their kids are driving them nuts and running them into the poorhouse?". But I also don't think any of this will be clear. I asked a co-worker with three kids when he knew he was ready to have kids. He said, "Oh, we're still not ready." And that's how I'm going to approach planning for a kid. Whether it's at 30 or 35, I'm going to have them regardless of the doubts, the questions and the uncertainties. Good Luck!

To Jeanne, children bring such wonder and innocence into the world and if you don't let yourself be to busy, you will be able to share in their experiences and appreciate the little things in life. Children don't necessarily "drive us nuts" or "into the poorhouse"; I think we manage to do that ourselves by expecting too much and not setting limits for both parties. My toddler has such joy in just being able to communicate with us and because I treasure the gifts she brings as a developing human being, I can get through any of her tantrums. I see too many parents missing out on the fun of raising kids because they don't understand that the "sacrifices" you may have to make (compared to your pre-baby life) are really just exchanged for different kinds of emotionally and intellectually expanding experiences. Good luck in deciding. I'm sure you will find a way to make the most of either decision.