I came home from work one night last week and there was plaster all over my clothes. I’ve been trying over the last couple of years to have fewer clothes, after my friend/coworker Jane told my husband, thinking he wouldn’t tell me, that she couldn’t believe how many clothes I had. Of course, rather than do the financially sensible thing and just buy fewer of whatever I was already buying, I decided it was a good time to buy more expensive things, just not so many. (This has been Jane’s lifelong philosophy, which is why she had opera dresses in high school.)

Anyway, my closet might be more bare, but it still has clothes in it, and last week they were covered with plaster dust. It turns out that Andrew the lovely electrician had to drill holes in my closet ceiling (see more photos of electrical work aftermath), a fact that would have been nice to know as it would have been fairly easy for me to just put the clothes on the bed.

To distract myself from my irritation about the plaster and, by association, lovely Andrew, I started to compile a list in my head of things people should tell you but don’t:

--Andrew should have told me that they were going to be working in the closet, and I would have moved my clothes before I left for work. My closet also contains every EPT stick from every pregnancy test I’ve ever taken, and notes from Eldest Child that he writes from time to time when he’s really mad at me. These are things that actually aren’t meant for Andrew to see.

--The kitchen designer should have told me that I had options for the bottoms of the cabinets, instead of boring kick plates everywhere.

--Our former babysitter should have told me the time that the front door was off its hinges (and, maybe, why), instead of me just arriving home to find it that way.

--My mother should have told me that if you have sex you will probably get a urinary tract infection, not know what it is, and think you’re going to die.

--Shoe salesmen should tell you that if you buy kids sneakers with Velcro closures they may not learn to tie their shoes until they’re about 10.

--My college economics professor should have told me that if I drank a beer before the macroeconomics final because my friend Megan told me it would help me relax, I would get an even worse grade.

--My first boss should have told me that being impatient wasn’t worth it, that just because I was using a graduate degree to buy coffee and send faxes, everything would turn out ok in the end.

--The garbage collector in my town should tell me when he’s going to decide to get the garbage from the can next to my garage (about 1/3 of the time), and when he’s just going to pretend it’s not there (2/3 of the time). Current dilemma: I’ve already asked him to please take the garbage, and yet he still ignores me. Do I increase the size of my tip this Christmas? Do I call the town and complain?

I could go on and on, but it’s just an exercise in whining. But I’d love to know if anybody else has a list of things people should have told you.